Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Something Something Heros
The swamp reeked of old people's farts. That was what Rylie kept telling them anyway. There wasn't anyway to deny what he was saying, it did smell distinctly of gas and decay. But, man was it annoying being constantly reminded of the fact. Thobis had been the genius that agreed to drag them into this pungent palace of peat and piss, but he was too busy swatting at the millions of insects that assaulted them all every waking moment to appreciate how unhappy everyone else was. That wasn't going to get him off the hook for this mess though.
"This swamp reeks of old people's...," came the all too familiar icebreaker. It was cut swiftly short by a furious shove from Agthor the Mighty. More like Agthor the Anger problems. Rylie stumbled and bounced off a tree from the waaay to hard shove Agthor had brought. Dick move. With a girlish scream and a valiant scramble, Rylie tried to catch his balance, but it wasn't enough. With a splash and a gurgling sound he was on his back in the muddy water. Thobis swatted at his neck, before balling his fists and shouting at them all, "This is supposed to be an easy adventure! Quit being such children." He then stormed off in a huff mumbling about learning a spell of protection from incompetence.
Meanwhile Agthar the giant jerk was studiously ignoring Rylie flopping about in the muck and instead was busy striking out with the Nealoo the priest of Alilili. Her plain white robes had been frayed and stained beyond repair and the last thing she wanted was the over-muscled no-brained Barbarian telling her how many goats she would be worth in his clan. Besides, had this guy ever heard of brushing his teeth? Ugh. Finally, Rylie climbed out of the gooey swamp and pulled himself on shore.
Nealoo the priest of Alilili looked over at him and wrinkled her nose. "Now, who smells like old people's farts." Yuck. Once Rylie had his feet again, Agthor gave him a too strong pat on the back and the encouraging shout, "At least we know you can swim now!" They all laughed, but Rylie. He grabbed at the mud encrusted knife hanging from his belt and stared holes in their backs as they moved ahead swatting at mosquitoes. With a final shake of his head that sent mud and gunk flying everywhere, Rylie pulled himself together and started after them. "Wait up! I don't want to get stuck out here alone."
They drudged on for what seemed like a half hour of eternity. Finally they came to the place Thobis had told them about. The entrance of the Sunken Dungeon of Evil and Hateful Bad Stuff. "We shouldn't stay out here any longer," Thobis suggested with a slap and a swat at his hated foe the flying buzzing insect. Nealoo the priest of Alilili held her hand aloft and struck action poses while whispering to herself, before providing them with a bit of advice, "Alilili suggests we all wait 30 minutes after eating before entering the pool."
"Ha!" Agthor the Mirthful shouted, "I laugh at your God's puny warning."
Rylie shook his head and scraped a bit more of the muck from his hair. "Let's just get this over with you big idiot." With that he began slowly moving towards the entrance looking here and there for the ancient traps the Evil and Hateful Bad Stuff no doubt left to guard their Sunken Fun-geon.
Suddenly, Agthor the Big idiot pushed him aside and strode confidently into the entrance. He stumbled back out seconds later clutching at the poison arrows the trapped entrance had shot into his chest. Nealoo the priest of Alilili knelt over the corpse of Agthor the Once living and shrugged. "I guess that'll teach him to laugh at Alilili's warning," she beamed.
"I'm sick of this swamp!" shouted a now furious Thobis. "Rylie, can you disable the traps or not? Why did we even bring you?" He slapped his neck again and grinned. "Got one that time!"
Rylie gripped his knife again, but calmed himself. "Patience wizard. Go cast a chill spell or something while I do my job." With that he began working his way around the entrance and inner hallway. The pit trap, the arrow trap, the gas trap, the mouse trap. All identified and disabled in under 30 minutes. Rylie was pretty pleased with the situation now. He might be wearing the swamp, but Agthor the Aerated was gone and things were looking up.
Nealoo the priest of Alilili and Thobis followed Rylie into the Sunken dungeon of Evil and Hateful Bad Stuff. They didn't bother to loot Agthor the Forgotten, as no-one wanted his loincloth or sandals.
Next: part 2